I'm 51......
I didn't think I'd get this far so.....
What comes next? Archery and pottery lessons. More intense relationship with my tarot cards.
The idea that I'm in the third act of my life is scary. Motivation to get moving on some things.
My brain is not cooperating with this process at the moment.....
Wednesday 10 April 2013
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Just to prove a point
Some of my daughter's biological family have gotten in contact with her recently. I'm glad for her and worried for her all at the same time.
Bio mom and dad made bad choices, no question, but I don't feel like that should make it impossible for T to know her biological family. What's worrying me is bio mom's manipulation of one of T's half siblings and her bio dad's sort of desperate sadness to know anything about her. They're both pushing her so hard for contact.
T's half siblings are still in contact with her bio parents so having contact with the kids means some sort of information gets back to bio parents. From a legal point of view, no one should have contacted her until she was 19, but Facebook screws things up sometime.
She's a trooper and has asked for contact with her siblings but not her bio parents. So far, bio mom has not contacted her but the half brother who lives with her and initiated all this has dropped out of contact, too.
Bio dad is pushing for information before he respects her request because he's obviously looking for positive things in his life so he can move forward.
I'm tired and stressed out by all of it. T is her strong, Amazon self and trying to be fair while drawing lines around herself.
I knew this day would come. I'd just hoped it would come when she was an adult.......
Bio mom and dad made bad choices, no question, but I don't feel like that should make it impossible for T to know her biological family. What's worrying me is bio mom's manipulation of one of T's half siblings and her bio dad's sort of desperate sadness to know anything about her. They're both pushing her so hard for contact.
T's half siblings are still in contact with her bio parents so having contact with the kids means some sort of information gets back to bio parents. From a legal point of view, no one should have contacted her until she was 19, but Facebook screws things up sometime.
She's a trooper and has asked for contact with her siblings but not her bio parents. So far, bio mom has not contacted her but the half brother who lives with her and initiated all this has dropped out of contact, too.
Bio dad is pushing for information before he respects her request because he's obviously looking for positive things in his life so he can move forward.
I'm tired and stressed out by all of it. T is her strong, Amazon self and trying to be fair while drawing lines around herself.
I knew this day would come. I'd just hoped it would come when she was an adult.......
Thursday 17 January 2013
stuckedness
I see something at work, and I suspect I'm guilty of it myself, that I call "stuckedness".
I'm an employment counsellor and I see clients everyday who are sure that they know what path they want to follow and are sure that no other options are going to get them where they want to go.
Being flexible, realistic, taking a look at the options - good positive things to do but..... sometimes "stuckedness" happens.
Where we are can be so safe. It's what we know; we understand how to manage our expectations and our reality if we stay where we are. Change is scary - good, but scary.
I try as best I can to hear why people get stuck - narrative therapy outlines how the stories we tell about ourselves and about our lives become our reality. If I can get someone to move just a little, in any direction, I feel like we can tackle the rest of the issues. I'll start calling that headspace "unstuckedness". :)
For myself, I know that I've entrenched parts of my story, good and bad. Being present in the moment and really looking at what's happening are skills I need to practice. The past is foreign country but it's a country I know. The future is an unknown country and that's scary.... and good.
I'm an employment counsellor and I see clients everyday who are sure that they know what path they want to follow and are sure that no other options are going to get them where they want to go.
Being flexible, realistic, taking a look at the options - good positive things to do but..... sometimes "stuckedness" happens.
Where we are can be so safe. It's what we know; we understand how to manage our expectations and our reality if we stay where we are. Change is scary - good, but scary.
I try as best I can to hear why people get stuck - narrative therapy outlines how the stories we tell about ourselves and about our lives become our reality. If I can get someone to move just a little, in any direction, I feel like we can tackle the rest of the issues. I'll start calling that headspace "unstuckedness". :)
For myself, I know that I've entrenched parts of my story, good and bad. Being present in the moment and really looking at what's happening are skills I need to practice. The past is foreign country but it's a country I know. The future is an unknown country and that's scary.... and good.
Wednesday 16 January 2013
are you KIDDING ME!!!!
So, to follow up my last post......
I work for social services in a large, Canadian city. I know a lot of you know that....
The office I work in provides welfare to city residents and there are some fairly strict rules around how to apply. If you live with another adult, regardless of gender, you have to state for the record that you're not in a spousal relationship with them. Gay, straight, doesn't matter, as long as you live with another adult you have to declare your relationship, because couples have to apply together as a couple.
I just heard one of my co-workers say that she never asks men who live with other men to fill out a co-resident questionnaire because she doesn't want anyone to think that she thinks they might be gay... because you know, there's no greater insult to a man than IMPLYING HE'S GAY.
Just when I think the world is moving forward, I have my shoelaces stepped on.....
I work for social services in a large, Canadian city. I know a lot of you know that....
The office I work in provides welfare to city residents and there are some fairly strict rules around how to apply. If you live with another adult, regardless of gender, you have to state for the record that you're not in a spousal relationship with them. Gay, straight, doesn't matter, as long as you live with another adult you have to declare your relationship, because couples have to apply together as a couple.
I just heard one of my co-workers say that she never asks men who live with other men to fill out a co-resident questionnaire because she doesn't want anyone to think that she thinks they might be gay... because you know, there's no greater insult to a man than IMPLYING HE'S GAY.
Just when I think the world is moving forward, I have my shoelaces stepped on.....
Inclusion
I didn't watch the Golden Globes - I'm not much into award shows, but I did see some of Jodie Foster's life time achievement award speech.
Did she "officially" come out? I'm not sure.... Did she need to "officially" come out? I'm pretty sure she didn't. I know that at different points in time, I needed to know that other queers were out there in the world; what's different now, is that knowing seems to have become an obligation for famous (or infamous) gays and lesbians.
I'm out, pretty much everywhere, but I've stopped coming out. I mention my partner by her name and tell people who ask once they realise I'm referring to a woman as my spouse, but I don't "COME OUT" anymore. I'm living my life, not participating in a 'lifestyle'.
Every time I think that people should be out and open I read something in the news that makes me wonder if we're as far ahead as I think.
Brett Easton Ellis slammed Matt Bomer's inclusion on the list of actors to play the aggressively heterosexual and abusive Christian Gray from the soft core porn hit books saying, "it's ludicrous... Matt Bomer isn't right for Christian Grey because he is openly gay. He's great for other roles but this is too big a game.’
I don't think much of BEE but he has brought something out into the open that I know people think about. No matter how far we've come, being gay, lesbian, bisexual is still an issue. People say things like, "Should homosexuals be allowed to teach, allowed to have children, be police officers, get married, play heterosexuals on TV...." blah, blah, blah....
There are people in the world who choose not to come out, to change pronouns and be secretive because they're legitimately afraid of the consequences of being open. A teacher in my daughter's school came out to my partner and I because we're safe. He's on the anti-homophobia committee for our school board but not out at school because he's worried about being able to teach in a junior public school if he's out.
In the end, I ask myself more questions than I answer at times like this. This isn't a scholarly opinion, it's just my experience.
I wonder what BEE would say if Chas Bono wanted to read for the part of Christian Gray?
Did she "officially" come out? I'm not sure.... Did she need to "officially" come out? I'm pretty sure she didn't. I know that at different points in time, I needed to know that other queers were out there in the world; what's different now, is that knowing seems to have become an obligation for famous (or infamous) gays and lesbians.
I'm out, pretty much everywhere, but I've stopped coming out. I mention my partner by her name and tell people who ask once they realise I'm referring to a woman as my spouse, but I don't "COME OUT" anymore. I'm living my life, not participating in a 'lifestyle'.
Every time I think that people should be out and open I read something in the news that makes me wonder if we're as far ahead as I think.
Brett Easton Ellis slammed Matt Bomer's inclusion on the list of actors to play the aggressively heterosexual and abusive Christian Gray from the soft core porn hit books saying, "it's ludicrous... Matt Bomer isn't right for Christian Grey because he is openly gay. He's great for other roles but this is too big a game.’
I don't think much of BEE but he has brought something out into the open that I know people think about. No matter how far we've come, being gay, lesbian, bisexual is still an issue. People say things like, "Should homosexuals be allowed to teach, allowed to have children, be police officers, get married, play heterosexuals on TV...." blah, blah, blah....
There are people in the world who choose not to come out, to change pronouns and be secretive because they're legitimately afraid of the consequences of being open. A teacher in my daughter's school came out to my partner and I because we're safe. He's on the anti-homophobia committee for our school board but not out at school because he's worried about being able to teach in a junior public school if he's out.
In the end, I ask myself more questions than I answer at times like this. This isn't a scholarly opinion, it's just my experience.
I wonder what BEE would say if Chas Bono wanted to read for the part of Christian Gray?
Wednesday 9 January 2013
Life
Amanda Palmer wrote an amazing blog entry about a young Canadian woman, Amanda Todd, who committed suicide because she was bullied so badly. The bullying was in person and on the internet - Amanda was literally all alone, surrounded by bullies her entire waking life.
Amanda's fans are as amazing as she is and the internet and Twitter blew up with stories and support and tears and hugs. I was in awe of the tidal wave of community spirit.
I wrote a tweet, telling Amanda that she and her fans were an amazing force for good in the universe and she graciously retweeted my words. Her fans filled my Twitter with comments and retweets and it was lovely.
And then..... someone told me I needed to lose some weight.......
and I stopped for second, and I worried about that one hateful tweet in the midst of a sea of love and support. I wanted to write something hateful back, I wanted to be able to ignore it and just laugh.....
Now, I'm sitting here, writing this and thinking about staying in the moment, staying positive, looking forward, all those things that are so much better to do than let a crappy comment stick.
The backstory to this - I debated using a photo on Twitter and almost used an emoticon because I don't always like the way I look. The commenter wasn't wrong, he was just mean.
The other part of the backstory - I worry about publishing anything I write because people can be so mean. I worry about making art and letting others see because people can be cruel and judgemental.
The internet allows to people to be mean to each other and never really see the results of their comments.
I think I've spent enough time thinking about one rude, clueless person....
Amanda's fans are as amazing as she is and the internet and Twitter blew up with stories and support and tears and hugs. I was in awe of the tidal wave of community spirit.
I wrote a tweet, telling Amanda that she and her fans were an amazing force for good in the universe and she graciously retweeted my words. Her fans filled my Twitter with comments and retweets and it was lovely.
And then..... someone told me I needed to lose some weight.......
and I stopped for second, and I worried about that one hateful tweet in the midst of a sea of love and support. I wanted to write something hateful back, I wanted to be able to ignore it and just laugh.....
Now, I'm sitting here, writing this and thinking about staying in the moment, staying positive, looking forward, all those things that are so much better to do than let a crappy comment stick.
The backstory to this - I debated using a photo on Twitter and almost used an emoticon because I don't always like the way I look. The commenter wasn't wrong, he was just mean.
The other part of the backstory - I worry about publishing anything I write because people can be so mean. I worry about making art and letting others see because people can be cruel and judgemental.
The internet allows to people to be mean to each other and never really see the results of their comments.
I think I've spent enough time thinking about one rude, clueless person....
Thursday 3 January 2013
transformations
Look, a new entry! I may actually be moving forward with a resolution to write more.....
I pulled a "what do I need to learn/focus on today" tarot card and got the 8 of Wands.
From Biddy Tarot, "The Eight of Wands shows eight blossoming wands hurtling through the air at a great pace. The flight of the wands suggests change, movement and travel. The background is clear, indicating that there is now little that stands in your way, and there is a beautiful river flowing freely and giving life to the landscape around it."
http://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-wands/eight-of-wands/
I've been contemplating engaging with my creativity and spirituality more, and this card certainly indicates that I should get (and keep) moving. I am definitely more of a planner and contemplater so this card is telling me to get going.
Next up for me is to choose my word for 2013.
I pulled a "what do I need to learn/focus on today" tarot card and got the 8 of Wands.
From Biddy Tarot, "The Eight of Wands shows eight blossoming wands hurtling through the air at a great pace. The flight of the wands suggests change, movement and travel. The background is clear, indicating that there is now little that stands in your way, and there is a beautiful river flowing freely and giving life to the landscape around it."
http://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-wands/eight-of-wands/
I've been contemplating engaging with my creativity and spirituality more, and this card certainly indicates that I should get (and keep) moving. I am definitely more of a planner and contemplater so this card is telling me to get going.
Next up for me is to choose my word for 2013.
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