2013

It's been a good year, 2012, and I'm happy with most of what happened (or didn't).
I don't want to stress about resolutions - I want to state intentions, areas of focus, places where I want to grow.

I'm digging deeper into my spirituality - I'm going to brew and grow and study more.
I'm going to treat my body better and move it more.
I'm going to respect my creativity and let it out more often.

I'm always learning and growing.  I want to open all the doors and windows and embrace all the opportunities of 2013.

reminders

I've been struggling a bit the last couple of months.  Time for some changes but change is hard.

I read a quote by Martin Luther King Jr.  that I want to share.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
Hate multiplies hate,
violence multiplies violence,
and toughness multiplies toughness
in a descending spiral of destruction....
The chain reaction of evil --
hate begetting hate,
wars producing more wars --
must be broken,
or we shall be plunged
into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.Strength To Love, 1963

The meditation as we enter the Perseis Moon cycle is:

We believe that the fundamental purpose in life is to allow ourselves to experience emotional and spiritual growth.

We're in the midst of the new moon right now.  I wrote this in response to a question from my Goddess group. 

"We believe that the fundamental purpose in life is to allow ourselves to experience emotional and spiritual growth."

I'm a social worker, working for the City of Toronto's social services division - or in other words, a welfare worker for one of Canada's biggest cities.

My job is very, very left brained - paperwork, rules and policies.  The clients have many, many needs, some I can help with and some I can't.  There are days that I feel compassion fatigue and just want to cry.  There are days that good things happen for clients and I hold onto those moments.

In terms of my own emotional and spiritual growth, this job has challenged me to tap into my spiritual core to always approach people with hope and compassion without spilling all my energy out.  I've learned to tap into the infinite to energize myself and my clients. 

My partner and I have a 13 year old daughter, who came to us when she was 3.  I love being a mom, with all the opportunities for growth and change that it involves.  Tiana sees the world with such a fresh perspective that she makes me see things I've missed or dismissed.

When I sit in meditation during the dark and new moon I'm always looking for the areas of my life where I need to let go and where I need to be open to new energies and experience. 
I try, as best I can, to see the lessons and challenges that the Goddess offers in all my interactions with people. 

to everything there is a season

I spent part of the weekend cleaning out the den.  I have stuff spread out all over the house that I really want in the den but it's been so full of stuff that I haven't been able to move.  So....... I dug through all my books on paganism, wicca, poetry, social work, LGBTQI issues, etc and all the bits and pieces I've collected over the years and GOT RID OF STUFF!  That definitely needs to be in capital letters since it's really hard for me to declutter and move things on.  I know I should but..... I was an army brat and things just disappeared  when we moved.  I blamed the movers but I think it was my Mom's way of getting rid of things without my pack rat drama. :)  Though, it feels good to look at the past (in the form of books) and realise that I have grown and learned and moved on.

Social work school was hard - all those papers, all that reading, all that (@#$*&#) group work.  I read some of my papers and was really impressed with how well I integrated information and got it back out in readable form.   I kept most of my textbooks because you never know when I'll have to reference narrative therapy theory..... :)

I haven't publicised this blog yet.  I'm not sure how/what/where I want to publish my posts.  There are so many blogs but ...... maybe I should add my blog tag to my comments on other blogs.

grow where you're planted

I'm trying to remember this and really grow.

I've adopted a plant that was abandoned on a filing cabinet near my desk.  It's a sign that I'm here and present and taking root.

There are no guarantees that I'll have a job at the end of June, or with all the changes coming at the end of 2013 or 2014.  I'm looking for a new job and gathering all the experience I can from this place. 

I'm painting and making art again.  I'm making tags and an envelope journal.  I 'm reading and listening to music and remembering who I was and who I am and who I will be.

I must admit that I still feel some resentment about the union and the strike vote and the general disarray of this place but...... it's not disarray that I want to own so the only option is to live and be happy and move forward.

I made a piece of art from an IKEA print I found in the garbage here and some pages from a discarded Avon catalogue.  I love it.  It's so me in this place where I can't always feel like me.

hot time, summer in the city

It's May 28th and according to CP24.com the temperature is 33C, feeling like 38C with the humidex, which is just about 101F........ ugh......

Menopause is harder some days than other.  Feelings of rage, not just anger, or upset, or frustration but blinding red rage, just blindside me on a regular basis.
I'm reading Christiane Northrup's book and it is helping.  Being aware of what the hell is going on does help.  So far I haven't killed anyone or damaged a relationship irrevocably.

A Friday state of mind

Work was definitely more work than usual today..... Some days I breeze through feeling competent and in control; today is just felt tired and drained.  Three days in the employment centre will do that to me.

Dizzy like crazy this afternoon.  I drove home feeling all wonky.  That's subsided a bit but I still feel weird.